Well, out of boredom I've decided to start posting some more stuff here. What better place to start than with one of the most ill-conceived and poorly-executed records in the history of crass opportunism. The Hulkster's infamous 1995 outing Hulk Rules is truly a masterpiece of badness. From the Casio-style production to the unbelievably embarrasing rapping to the multiple reference to Hulk's "pythons," this is one for the ages.According to the liner notes, "[Hulk's] huge pythons wrap themselves around the world of music and bring it into Hulk's control." Given Hulk's awkward, pasty-white flow, this claim is debatable. In fact, Hulk doesn't even seem to appear on about a third of these songs--for example, "Hulk's The One," about how sexy Hulk is, sung by wife Linda Bollea. But Hulk's rapping can't be touched and is the reason this album really shines. Also, the patriotic "American Made" and the skeezy beach-babe tribute "Beach Patrol" are fantastic.
The lyrics are the true star of this album. Here are some highlights:
He's got the red, white, and blue running through his veins
He was born and raised in the U.S. of A
He's government inspected, he's U.S. grade
If you mess with the flag it's like a slap in his face
Always go swimming with a buddy
Work real hard and always study
Hey check out the pythons baby
Would you look at that?
Whoop there it is, check it out, check it in
You'll be six feet deep if you touch my girlfriend
You know this homeboy can lose control
You just don't mess with the Beach Patrol
When the Hulkster comes to Heaven
We'll tag up again
The world just lost another Hulkamaniac
I wish Hulk's love could bring you back again
Music afficianados will forever debate which is worse: this album or Randy Savage's Be A Man. Both sport the same false bravado and hilarious tributes to fallen friends (Mr. Perfect in Macho Man's case, an innocent Hulkamaniac on this one).
All in all this is still less embarrassing than "Hulk Knows Best."
Best Tracks: "I Want To Be A Hulkamaniac" "Beach Patrol" "Hulkster In Heaven"
